Okay. It's been a long time coming, so here it is: the Great GateWorld Rant.

This is MY personal opinion on the whole Torri thread fight. I speak for no one but myself. It is NOT friends-locked, because I want everyone to be able to know exactly how I feel on the issues that have been brought up. And yes, I swear occasionally, because it's my feelings. If that bothers you, skip it. I really don't care at this point. And if I think of anything later, I'll add it.

Cliques and Ignoring People

There's a lot of talk about how we Torri fans are a big clique. I can't stress this enough: these are individual friendships. There are a TON of people in this supposed clique that I hardly ever talk to. I am friends with the people who strike my fancy, and I avoid those with whom I take issue - that is the way that interpersonal relationships tend to work. I do not ignore people just because they are new. If I do not respond to someone, it is not because I hate them or I am ignoring them. Oftentimes, I just don't feel I have anything to add to the conversation, and so I say nothing.

Now, if someone is behaving in a way that I don't like, then I will not respond. I will not reinforce behavior (either by throwing a fit or giving praise) that I find improper or impolite on the boards. If I see excessive thunking (see below), I will not respond. If I see nasty or rudely-worded replies, I will not respond, and I will be upset with the person who made that reply regardless of whether or not I agree with the point they were trying to make. If people are consistently guilty of the above, OF COURSE I'm going to avoid them or not really want to be their friend. Would you want to be hanging out and chatting with someone whose behavior was continually bothering you?

Thread Ownership

No one owns threads. Period. Not the old-timers, not the newbies, no one.

That being said, I don't think people understand the sentiment that surrounds this on the Torri fan side. We had been having a discussion a particular way for quite some time. When new folks arrived, that changed. Now, change happens, there's a new dynamic, that's a fact of life. That is not what bothers me. What bothers me is the attitude that some have taken when the old-timers say they liked the way the thread was before. There's very much a "well, it's not that way anymore, we're here now, suck it up and move on" vibe that is given off. Wouldn't you be upset if someone took that attitude with you? Again, it's not what's happening, it's the attitude with which it's done.

Excessive Thunking

I am not a prude, nor do I care what someone's sexual orientation is, or whether or not they tell people. However, it is indeed a PG-rated board. There are 13-year-olds that frequent that thread. And there are some adults who are uncomfortable with things that have been posted openly. I've heard the argument "but they moderators wouldn't delete it!" and personally I think that's a cop-out. When someone says that, what they're really saying (in my opinion) is that "I want to toe the line drawn in the sand." There is a grey area, and the mods won't do anything until something officially crosses the line.

What it comes down to is respect for fellow posters. People have different tastes, and that needs to be respected. Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD. Now, I understand that it is very much a "thunk"-type thread, and that it's not there to be sweet and innocent. What I am saying is that a compromise needs to be reached. I tried twice in the "challenges" thread to get people to state where they draw the line. You can't reach a compromise when you don't know the boundaries. Don't take the attitude that says "the rules say I can post it, screw you guys" because that's arrogant and it's not going to win you any friends. Compromise takes sacrifice and cooperation from both sides.

I have also heard the "take a joke" argument. That's great, I can take a joke perfectly well. But this is a typed post, without voice or facial cues. Especially when it's someone you don't know well, it's VERY hard to tell if they're joking or not.

Intolerance

Let me say this right off the bat: I really don't give a crap what your opinion is on a particular topic in the fandom. If your opinion agrees with mine, cool. If it doesn't agree with mine, cool. I'm not stupid and naive enough to think that the whole world agrees with me. What I do care about is how that opinion is expressed. If you are polite about it, that's awesome. If you act snarky, condescending, bitchy, or anything like that, then yes, I will be upset with you. There is no excuse for that sort of behavior, and it only makes you look immature.

I understand that sometimes the tone of a post is taken the wrong way. Such is the bane of the internet. People cannot see your expression through your post, or hear the tone of your voice. Smilies were invented for a reason, so make use of them properly. And before you hit "Submit," STOP. Go back, and reread your post. Ask yourself honestly, "Is this worded in such a way that it might come across the wrong way?" This is a good rule to go by on ANY board. I often wonder how many arguments could be avoided if people would do this. I also understand that it can be hard to objectively read your own post like that. So I only ask that people try, and if it still upsets people, politely try to explain what you meant. Do not fly off the handle, because that never solves the problem; in fact, it usually makes the problem worse. I've seen a number of conflicts resolved quickly when a poster calmly re-explained. And if you do make a post that comes across the wrong way, learn from it. You've made the mistake once, now realize that you need to do it differently next time. And there's a reason that the edit button exists - if need be, use it!

LJ Gossip

Yes. LJ gossip happens. We all know that. And I freely admit that I am a part of it. Is it right? No, it's not.

I do, however, want people to understand why it happens. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a human being on this planet that didn't feel the need to vent at times. And to be perfectly honest, people need to vent. I speak as someone who has a problem with bottling up how I feel, until it explodes in a very big, very messy event that's sure to leave a trail of destruction in my wake. I know what can happen to people if they don't vent from time to time, and it's not healthy. And it's pretty clear that this whole debate is stressful. Lots of stress leads to lots of venting.

Does it make it less hurtful? No. Is that an excuse for talking behind someone's back? No. But at the same time, would you rather see people vent in the threads when things come up? Rock and a hard place. And if someone is venting about you and you know what they're saying, maybe you should stop and think about it. I'm not saying that things people talk about are correct, because I know full well that people say untrue things when they're upset. What I am saying is that there may be a reason why they're upset with you, and it might be wise to understand exactly why that is, because it's possible there is a legitimate complaint and maybe a particular aspect of your behavior that you can work on improving.

Yes, it's a vicious cycle. One incident leads to venting leads to flared tempers leads to more venting, etc. STOP THE GODDAMN CYCLE.

Why People In "The Clique" Are Defensive

I'm not even going to go into the past grievances here, because I don't think that's immediately relevant.

Look at it like a courtroom, where "the clique" is the defendant. There were complaints about us, to which we responded openly and honestly with our side of the story. But from the very beginning, we have been talked down to and treated as if we've already been found guilty. Any complaint that we've possibly had has been treated as childish by both the plaintiffs as well as the mods. Personally, I feel like I'm guilty until proven innocent, but all the evidence I try to present is ignored or laughed at or flat out deleted, and any attempt to clear my own name is met with a sneer. Am I looking at this from a biased perspective? Absolutely. But now you see why I get defensive, and I have a feeling that I'm not the only one who feels that way.

"But it was their fault!"

YOU are at fault. Yes, YOU. Don't play the helpless victim. I've seen both sides of the argument do things wrong, and virtually everyone has done SOMETHING. DO NOT try to pretend like you are completely innocent, or I will laugh in your face - I don't care who you are.

Own Up and Apologize

I'm glad to see people owning up to things on GW - that made me very happy. I've seen people do things that I really didn't like, and to be honest, I was mad at them for it and even disliked them. But regardless of what someone has done, I have a huge amount of respect for people who can own up to the mistakes they've made, admit they were wrong, apologize sincerely to the people that they've hurt, and make a change. It takes a small person to point fingers, but it takes a big person to make an honest apology and change.

Conclusion

I tried to help, you know that? I wanted to help people reach an understanding, and I've made an effort to see why others feel the way they do and to help reach a compromise. But compromise is a two-way street, and if other people aren't willing to see their own faults or admit them, this argument will never end. Clearly there's no reason for me to continue trying to facilitate that, because too many people are too damn stubborn.

Bottom line?
EVERYONE HAS FUCKED UP.
EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT THEIR ATTITUDE OR THEIR PERCEIVED ATTITUDE.
AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, THINK BEFORE YOU POST!

So there you have it. Argue, praise, tell your friends to come laugh at me, or continue to tell me that I'm a god-awful, petty person that's going straight to hell - whatever floats your boat.